we will bury you

Last Days? Nay!!

2011-11-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

Word on the streets is that Motordome is the team(I'm lobbying for a change to Club status) to watch in 2012. We are like the Where's Waldo of the Portland cycling world. We're just waiting for the others to let down their guard. Just ask Hazel.

Joel Metz dislikes sunny cyclocross races, and other news!

2010-10-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's right. It's a fact. And Pao Gasol sucks the blood of babies for sustenance. A double fact. What could be more true, you ask? Well, there was a small showing of unprecedented chick to dude team racing today. "What the fuck did that even mean?!", you blather? Ha, I am quite ready for your helplessly confused retort. Today, 4 blindingly amazing ladies and 3 standard run of the mill studs were out in force for Motordome at the third dirty skinny tired Cross Crusade's attempt at fun.

This episode lands us in the poo riddled fields in Sherwood. It was all you could ask for. I, on the other hand, always want more. (Can I get a good leather recliner and a damn TV tray?) But I digress. Today, Tad, Max, and I unleashed our standard brand of soul-crushing bike handling skills as well as some memorable faces of serious pain riiiiiiiiiigghht about 100 feet from the start/finish tent. Christina, Kim, Erin, and Rachel made us proud with their efforts as well. Christina was getting some double cheer action as another Christina(not as cool, I'm sure) was within a bike length or two for some time. Bonus heckle! Max was done before we showed up, but was smiles as usual, ready to accept a beer or two and take over the daunting task of holding down our formidable mascot, Godzilla. Tad and I both got in some solid placements in the top 20. Kim and Erin both ran their first ever bike races, which makes me look like a twit, cuz I was murmuring about how it'd been like a 350 days since I last raced(yeah, WSI? a four hour alleycat? Not a race? TWIT!). And while Erin pulled out because of her still lame ankle, it was a good thing and helped break up the tightness so she could recover quicker. Genious! Kim got her two laps and puked in the process. Take that poo fields! Rachel, damn. Just goes and goes. Solid in the A's again. Always good to see her and Ira out there. Bigger smiles can't be had.

If I had been manning my camera like I was gonna, I would've had a shot or two, but I had a beer in my hand like I should have.

Number One Team Member

2010-08-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Just letting everyone know how awesome my Dad is. And just pointing out that he is the most legit racer on the team. Riding as the cyclist in a team triathlon in McCall, Idaho. I'm really proud of my Pop.

From the quality of this photo , you may not be able to make out the subtleties of this awesomeness. Always race with a Leatherman

Wir werden euch begraben

2010-07-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

Seeing that the only Motordome business this summer is bike tours, I thought that I better start writing about the upcoming euro trip that I've been "planning" and will commence in under two weeks.

As some may know, I've been away and pursuing the academics at a liver bursting, beer gut expanding pace. Leaving Portland in February, I spent the rest of the winter in sunny Chicago land while the rest of the northwest enjoyed an unusually warm late winter (I know because everyone I could possibly know in the Northwest called to tell me about it). Chicago turned out to be quite good to me. I had to miss the end of the Blazer season but I made some good friends and I'm sure Motordome made some new fans.
...moving on..after two months in a class room in Chicago, it was off to Germany, Bavaria and weissbier...moving on..yeast...fermentation...beer...breweries...and on my way to being an applied biochemist (that sounds pretty technical, huh?)... the end is in sight.

With the end of July approaching comes the end of school and the rekindling of an old relationship with my bike. Months before I left Portland I had planned on biking Europe. no big deal. I invited everyone I knew or even sort of knew, and as the time went on, I was convince that I'd be rolling solo. However, two of the best dudes ever have pulled through and decided to get lost in the Alps with me; Buggy, the Motordome team bike mechanic and all around dirt-bag and Topher (Chris), first mate, ship's bosun and all around scallywag.
I have no idea where we are headed (probably over the mountains.) I'll keep you posted.

Motordome Scraper Crew Forming

2010-05-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

Scrapertown from California is a place. on Vimeo.

Remember that time when we were AWESOME! Yes, yes I do.

2010-05-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

Though I hate to embarrass any member of Motordome, I'm totally stoked that we were able to hook Damian up with a modeling gig for Ibex. Check it out at Ibexwear.com, and now... for a limited time as our Motordome fp banner!

I got a phone call from The Man, hey Michael, do you know anyone that wears a size Medium jersey and has a messenger look to them. The real deal, none of the poser shit. Hmm. Let me think about it, yes, yes I do... At least Damian didn't have to fly to Durango for this. I mean, who would actually enjoy going to Durango on the most epic mountain bike adventure of all time with a photographer, to get some product shots. Hmm... not me... Or you, right? Or anyone in their right mind. I'm not jealous at all, in no way, whatsoever, nope. Not me.

In other related new, Motordome has been extended an invitation for 2 days and 3 lovely nights in the resort town of Hood River... soon as we fix that radiator. A faraway land where beautiful girls promise to cook you delicious dinners and show you a night on the town. A place where photographer friends tell you, come, park your rig in the lot downtown, and I'll open up the studio for any accommodations that your 1974 Dodge Shasta might not afford you during your overnight stay. It will be a recon mission of sorts, of breweries, for Bobby. Yes, we're going, for Bobby, that's really the only reason... this all for Bobby, strictly work.

Because everyday you put off going to Hood River, is another day you're not in Hood River.

Will this lead to another granny attic slumber party with Home Movies... heaven help us if it does. Seven minutes in granny attic heaven!

Vision Quest

2010-05-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

So, this dude, we will call him Doom, had this vision. In this vision, he saw friends, beer, mother nature, rafting, sand, big bikes with big tires, some more beer, smiles, and a moment in our lives so great that no photograph taken can render itself as an adequate representation of the levels of epicness that we would digest.

This was not what Rachel told me when I stopped by Ira and her place to pick up Kimberlyn's freshly tuned, ridiculous, purple Ira Ryan custom mixte in late April. Rather, it is what I understood. If you know Doom, you know there is no such thing as simple mountain bike touring. When I hear the words, "portable raft", "stupid", "really sandy section", "Canyonlands, UT", "Pugslys", and "Durango" out of Rachel's mouth, I know the former to be closer to the truth, mixed in with some tough hike-a-bike sections and some rough technical stuff as well. And we both decided right then and there to find out personally. I mean, no matter what, there was gonna be some serious "GN-shreddage!-AR" for sure.

So we plan. We find tickets to be a reasonable $330 round trip each with a $50 bike fee(which I used to its full 99.9 lb limit. 100.0 pounds apparently isn't gonna get by Durango air cops). We have racks built and borrowed. We cobble together a pack list. I realize I haven't been camping for about ten years save for Dee and Anne's wedding trip when I spent the night in Idiotville. I have nothing. I have three-ish weeks and it doesn't seem like enough time, but my drive to make it happen is greater than my initial preparedness, and somehow things come together.

It's a plan. It's gonna happen. A reunion of sorts. Last fall, Motordome™ associates Rachel, Bobby Birk, and I drove to Durango to meet up with another associate-Hazel, and Tim and Ian-messengers who rode to Mancos, just outside of Durango, from SF. I was stoked to be at my first mountain bike race ever, even though I only had a SS Cross bike. I hadn't ridden a mountain bike since 1998 when I reluctantly sold my bass boat blue Schwinn Homegrown to buy a new snowboard and some gear(which I ended up trashing thanks to the worst November/December on record at Telluride). Anyhow, I didn't care. I was having fun with people that just wanted to have fun. There were 1,100 or so people for the race, and the vast majority went to town with the color contest entry forms that were part of preregistration. There were legends, somebodies, and nobodies. We were all the same. Nobody was cool and nobody cared. It was like how riding in Portland used to be back in the 90's before we as a city became aware of how apparently cool our bike scene was. That trip resonated with us for several months. It's why we were going back. It's why Motordome™ is planning trips to Oakridge and Hood River sometime this summer. What's this? Yesterday, the MD was brought back from its winter slumber out near Mollala and parked in my driveway. Possible emergency shelter for Westside Invite X, the rig is set for weekend destruction of any and all sorts. The beast has emerged from hibernation. It's time to be fuzzarded to win it mode...

Velodrome clean up day

2010-03-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

Here's an email I recently received from Mike Murray:

We are going to plan to have the annual Alpenrose Velodrome Clean Up day on
Sunday, April 11. I want to make sure that no one does this rather than
going to the Ice Breaker Crit but if you are not going to Eugene and you
want to give back to the bike racing community, hang around with friends
while not dressed in Lycra and help us get ready for the track racing
season, plan to go to Alpenrose Velodrome on 4/11. We will start at 9:00 AM
and be there until late in the afternoon or until we get everything done.
Come for all or part of the day. Plan to paint, pull weeds, put up sponsor
signs, clean buildings and transport the equipment we need out of storage.
We will provide lunch. Like most rack events, this will get rescheduled if
it rains.

Mike Murray

I did this last year and it was a lot of fun. Great way to get a start on your summer tan(bring sun screen because it can get hot out there!)

There should be the requisute track photo but I'm enjoying a vacation in sunny California so I thought I would just share a photo of that instead!

March Madness, no?

2010-03-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

Not when you know you're gonna predict everything, like I am. Actually I effed some S up, but I'm eating cookie dough right now and don't really care about being "right" or "inaccurate". What do you have? Some lame brackets with a Little Debbie? Oh no, you're watching what you eat, and your brackets are falling off the hinges? Here's what the genius factory that is Motordome has laid down for this year's NCAA tournament.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/43058562@N04/sets/72157623648523342/

What Is the Price of Flight?

2010-02-26T16:26:00.000-08:00

For the DOME of it. Enjoy!

shred alert

2010-01-25T16:53:00.000-08:00

hey all, i'm doing the cascade cream puff july 11, 2010 if anyone's up for 100 miles of
shredding in the dope forest of oakridge. or at least lots of rad training rides. uh hum, damien, i hear you just set yourself up with some fat tires. wooo hooo!

Motordome Basketball, In Yer Face!!!

2010-01-24T11:12:00.000-08:00

Oh WHAT?!!! Yeah, this is what happened yesterday. Wailing. We had enough for some three on three. It ruled, and for sure we're rusty, but it was a lot of fun. Made the Blazer game game afterward much more enjoyable. Saturdays...

The rumors are true.

2010-01-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

So now that spring seems like it's in view, many of you might be thinking; "Hmm, I can't wait to start riding bikes." Well for those of you that really know whats up, the Motordome basketball team has been training hard and is well underway. If you think you have what it takes, bring your game face to Buckman this Saturday (and every other Saturday) at 1 pm!

I Dream of Motorhomes

2009-12-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

Motor Home

To dream that you live in a motor home, suggests that you need to move on with regards to some aspect of your life. You may be dwelling too much on a situation and it is time to move forward. Alternatively, you may be expressing your desire to be more independent and self-sufficient.

Mud and pancakes and split pea soup and coffee and miller high life and cutting pumpkins in half with my front wheel and dogs and more mud.

2009-11-23T15:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah. Well. A big fuck you to the sunshine.

During my race. Well. The wind was blowing hard. I was always in a head wind. And it was pouring rain. As my father would say. Like a cow peeing on a flat stone.

There was mud.

And waterfront property.

Tad made delicious pancakes. (Not in photo). That Damian prepared. Buttered. Syrup'd. Fed me. Delicious. I made some epic split pea soup. (Also not in photo). That Damian burned. Ahem. Saved from burning. Well, I actually enjoyed the little hunks of burned heaven. You know who else is a little hunk of burned heaven...

And the epic magnetic bumper that has not only drove a $40,000 coffee mug from Sweet Pea Bakery in Portland to the Hillsboro Cross Crusade, but now took my bitchin' new front wheel for a ride from Kruger's on Sauvie all the way to North Portland. Glossy! Or would that be. Ahem. As the kids say these days. Glossin'!

How we got this far...

2009-11-20T21:41:00.000-08:00

The license plate holder reads, "GET IT ON!"

The back patch of the Motordome pilot jacket reads, "Travel ~ N ~ Fun!"

"FUN IT ON!" became "GET IT FUN!"

"GET IT FUN!" became "FUN IT ON!"

"Ask me about wizard mode" was suggested for T-Shirts.

Which became, "Wizard me to FUN IT mode!"

I lost my shit when James texted me late one night after many beers, "Fuzard me to win it mode!"

The apocalypse is not for sale.

2009-11-20T14:39:00.000-08:00

Knock on the door...

Hello?

Is the motorhome for sale?

Why would it be for sale?, I reply.

Would you sell it?

No.

Three Men and a Motordome

2009-11-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

Don't worry we didn't really make another of those aweful movies!
I'm a little slow to getting around to race reports but hopefully it'll just remind everyone of the fun that was had a few weeks ago. What could be better than spending Halloween weekend in Astoria with three dudes?

At least the trash got packed out

Seriously it was an amazing weekend and my first time out to Halloween Cross in Astoria(I still miss the days of the Flying M Ranch).
I had the winning number on Saturday, the last number to be called up to start, which meant a six pack of beer. Because of this, I have little to report on for Saturday.

It also meant I missed the boys all cuddled in Grandma's Attic watching cartoons.
Sunday was really all that mattered anyways.
We woke up and cooked breakfast:

Damian's costume turned out to be useful throughout the day, not just for food but beer and cameras too.
After eating, the rest of us got our costumes together and boy did we look good!

The race was fun, there were human barriers and a robot running around the course cheering everyone on.

Besides all the usual and unusual shennanigans, John from Team Beer managed to fall on his bike and put his knee into his carbon wheel. It was like the shot heard round the world. The crowd was stunned and the damage was impressive.

As the sun set, the zombies came out and it was time to get the hell out of Astoria

Monday Blogday- a reflection given a day later.

2009-11-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

Mondays are generally when blog-master Damian likes to 'lay it down.' I know this not because I actually read the blogs, oh no. I know this because he composes his brilliant (I hope) prose at the vegan cafe/bakery at which I work (I'm trying to avoid shameless advertising, but you'll find said bakery on the corner of S.E. 12th and Stark, as well as on the back of our beloved Motordome jerseys). Anyways, yesterday was Monday. Blogday. And who should saunter in, but my treasured roommate Bobby. We exchanged pleasantries such as- "Oh, hello! How are you? Did you sleep well last night?" and "I'm fantastic! I slept like a baby! Did you notice that I freshened up the toilet?" Darling Bobby also brought fantastic news- Damian and Hazel were expected shortly. Sure enough, just as Bob-o selected their table, Hazel and Damian waltzed into to cafe completing the trifecta of terrific. After they ordered their delicious, gourmet americanos and snacks, they took a seat, opened their computers/reading materials and got down to business...whatever that means. I didn't get a chance to chat with my chums during their stay because, well, I let my espresso talk for me...and frankly I was at work and don't really have time for tomfoolery or truancy...like, I totally wish I could hang out and write brilliant blogs, then maybe do a sudoku and hang out some more till I wanted to go on a ride in the West Hills, but I can't cuz I gotta make fucking lattes and cappuccinos, alright? uh. Sadly my comrades eventually left to continue their journey to the weekend by way of the time clock. I waved them off, one by one, wishing them well and hoping the rain would hold out for their sakes. As I was busing the tables (usually something I don't have to do because it's a 'buss your own table' type of establishment) I noticed that young Bobby had neglected to clear his section of the table. I made a mental note to rib him about it in the evening, then proceeded to clear the table. I figured that it was probably his sweet and loving way of saying "Fuck you Kim! You NEVER do your dishes at home!"
So, I decided a haiku was in order...
Bobby Birk you turd.
How could you leave your dishes?
I cry tears of Joy©.

xo

3 Mikes and a Corndog

2009-11-16T11:26:00.000-08:00

Blazers off to a scorching 8 & 3 record... and my Batum Raider poster is sitting idle. His return to the court still to be determined. It's painful. Perhaps I should build a shrine of some sort to aid in his recovery. Motordome, your official guide to seasonal obsession disorders and the NBA.

Cross Curse-ade Number... Is this thing over yet?

2009-11-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

Cross Crusade is a sadistic bitch... though we love her. I suffered another bio-mechanical with a bum knee this week, survey says... I had the seat to low on the cycle trainer at the gym the night before, a half hour warm-up prior to lifting that I am still suffering from today. Damian rode hard, finished, spent, shaking, shivering, coughing, he looked so bad I left and went home to cuddle up next to a warm fire. Craig, in his usual cheerful self, kicked ass across the board. Greg reclined on a beach in Florida with a tall drink in his hand, and a taller woman at his side. (Taking some creative liberties with the true height of his secret Canadian girlfriend). Todd scrounged around looking for free beer and heckling. Flat beer was found at the TB tent (as was shelter from the downpour). Good heckling was found prior to Todd finding the beer, especially at the infamous cone corner. Buggy rolled smokes. JoinO (somebody tell me how to spell his nickname) finished a lap before the rest of the field - AWESOME! Rachel and Ira were there. Tad had amazing outfit - he scared some children. Joel was as excited as I had ever seen him - blame it on the conditions. Heyzel/Hazel represented!

I went home early. Like I said, it was cold, and went, and it smelled funny, and again, wolves. I'm saving myself for Krugers.

Rim Ride

2009-11-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

Tubulars. You don't need them. Rims are engineered for cutting through mud, it's the pavement that's tricky.

This guy captured the hearts of Astoria with continuing to race after rolling a tub.

Motordome Not Exploded!

2009-11-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

False report from our field reporters. We pay them in beer and vanilla flavored malt liquor. Sometimes they get their facts wrong. Waaaaayy WRONG!

What really happened was that four roadworthy team members(Griz, Bobby, Hazel, and I) crawled into a can on wheels to head to a safe and fireball free weekend of racing, drinking, fake racing, and booing and cheering. There were sexy robots, questionably sexy Borats, Sloth!, a branch clearing giraffe on a tall bike, a bull chasing some runners, a girl wearing a shower, some idiot with a skateboard through his chest(uh, me), lots of speedos and bikinis, okay almost too many, PeeWee Herman, leprechaun, Oompah Loompah, Super Mario and Luigi and Toadstool, as well as dragons, and multiple costume failures-like the guy with the trident. Just sayin'.

The human six pack of barriers was pretty dope, and chased a few people down to make them dismount again or face possible DQ, or lots of booing. There was a ton of booing. There were a few handfuls of spandors at each race who either did not dress up or just put on a wig and called it good. Booooo!!!!! Beer and water and snacks were flying at these monsters, who saw it fit to poach the course of merry making, and fun having to, you know, get all serious and score some points in the serious. But these guys just didn't get the memo that this was NOT a race.

Hopefully enough trauma was caused by the barriers/gauntlet of shame area that this will not happen again. We were in good company over by Team Beer, Super Relax and Grundel Bruisers and the sun was out for the crowd to enjoy. Sure I didn't get to see bicycles filled willy nilly with explosives lit on fire and ridden around a hapless throng of drunk bastards, which would rule, but I got a welcome change of pace and survived my race without breaking ribs. I got to fall asleep in the granny attic with Griz and Bobby in what would have been one of the best photos of the weekend. But I have memories and those are pretty good.

Next week is SSCXWC at PIR and we will be seeing one of the largest fields all season with a field limit of 230. Gotta get it together and get in shape for lots of drinking beer and enjoying ourselves, and maybe even some good racing.

Motordome Explodes in Fiery, Bloody Farewell

2009-11-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

Tough times, tough, bummer times.

Motordome in the News

2009-10-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

Compliments of VeloNews.com, spotted by our team eagle eye, Hazel.

109th

2009-10-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

I live in the Centennials, therefore, it is only appropriate that I place in the Centennials. Hillsboro, 109th for Griz. Ahem, at least I...

Perhaps you should come over and watch the TV mini-series, Centennial with me. I believe that Pasquinel is as disgusted with my performance as I am.

"We shall drink like brudders" ~ Pasquinel

Silver...er, Mud Sharks!!

2009-10-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

It happened. The day Joel has been waiting for we got to enjoy, but without Joel who was on a mission to nab himself a cute pooch. Good excuse dude. We know you didn't want to get your bike muddy with horse poo-poo and pee-pee. Your new friend would have peed all the mud off, you know?

We left with a full load of meat heads ready to slide down into some eagerly awaiting pools of cold wet earth. Some of us met out at Sweet Pea early to fuel up before we hit the road. I arrived after breakfast as I wasn't feeling hot and was debating even leaving the house, but here I sit, telling you about the trip. I got there as breakfast was finishing up and loaded up along with Hazel, Glenn, Charlie, John, Tad, Danger, and the Motordome pilot, Griz. We set off with a fridge full of Hamm's and listed down Stark toward another traffic jam caused the second marathon of the first four Cross Crusades. Don't they have an X-Box Live game for all these runners to hook up to treadmills in the safety of their own homes, without crippling downtown traffic. How about 1 or two streets that don't circumnavigate the ENTIRE downtown. Idiot runners.

Speaking of idiots, our nearly tragic loss of a $40K coffee mug was saved by a Christmas miracle. Seems Charlie left Megan's mug, which is somehow valued more than my entire net worth, sitting on the rear bumper when we left town. Thankfully, 1974 technology left us with a perfectly square bumper that kept that baby put the entire trip. I can't keep a pair of socks together for more than a week. This mug makes an unlikely trip across town sitting on a bumper. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

After searching for a back of the lot parking spot and setting up camp, it seemed like our racing was ready to start. Normally, arriving at 8:30 allows for plenty of time to dick around before we casually head to the starting line at 1pm. When you show up at 11am instead, you all of a sudden feel rushed. So, as we all geared up to do few warmup rides, Craig shows up from Seattle ready to roll. Right about then I decide to register. I would be racing and trying to keep a good series standing. I figured I'd either feel better afterwards, or much worse.

About 12:50 we finally make our way over to the staging area and go through call ups, then numbers. Griz gets last number, which equals a six pack. Craig gets both a call up and a six pack, as do a few others up front. After a few minutes the B's head out. I like it when they go first. Catching the B field on the last few laps helps with the cat and mouse passing of the singlespeed field, at least most of the time. As we sit for 3 minutes waiting for our staggered start, I start wondering if this was a bad idea. I feel a little lightheaded, and I'm not sure what kind of legs I have as I have only been on one 40 minute ride outside of work in the past two weeks. Last week I was feeling mildly sick for all of two days before racing and ended up 10th. I had my fingers crossed today that being sick is my new training routine.

We left in the usual cluster of a field, shoulder to shoulder, headed out over a muddy and bumpy stretch of field. I always wonder when that's gonna go bad, but it doesn't happen today. We get out past a few fast stretches and I feel okay. Like I could pedal harder, but am bent on riding smart and staying up. I'm not trying to prove anything today. If I get a top 30 finish, I'd be happy with that. As muddy turn, bog, straightaway, and barrier go by, lap by lap, it becomes apparent that I feel pretty good. I somehow have not slumped into a sick and dying ball of cold, wet misery. I find Luke Demoe who got 3rd last week and stick on him, pacing myself and letting him dictate speed while I focus on lines and who's behind us.

All is well on the final lap. I trade places a few times with at least one other singlespeeder before using some lagging B's to shield a clean pass and getaway through the corners. After getting around a couple more riders who went down on the pavement transition, I am trailing Luke on through the last barn, ready for the last right, left right toward the finish. I can sense a top finish, though it seems Luke's not as fast as last week running fixed again. But I know he's a strong rider, so I feel good. As we exit the barn, I lose my racelong cool head of riding carefully, and pedal a little too hard a bit too early and my rear wheel spins out. I hit the deck, taking a couple followers with me. As I get up and remount, at least two more bike fly by, and they are not B's, but singlespeeders. As I slowly remount in the mud, trying to get back into my pedals, and spinning tires, another SS goes by on my left, only this one returns the favor and falls, taking me out. I'm on the ground looking at the finish and I see about five more bikes leaving the barn out of the corner of my eye and then look back to my left. The bike that took me down is a singlespeed. I feel like everything is simultaneously moving in hyper-speed and slow motion. I clammer to my feet dragging my bike out from underneath the fallen rider and start running. It's like a bad dream, the one where you can't yell for help, or uh, like you're running though mud. As the soft buzz of bikes comes around the last corner I finally get traction and lunge toward the finish line, pushing my bike forward across the line as both mounted riders and the singlespeeder who was momentarily in the dirt next to me come up on my left.

It was nuts to finish like that. So close to a single digit finish, only to slip and fall twice in the closing stretch. It was a great way to end the race. This was the hardest race to get to for me, and I pushed my better senses aside to possibly wreak havoc on my system, but in the end I was holding a 40 and smiling, covered in mud.

I know that I'm speaking for everyone when I say I had a great time out there. The nastier it gets, the more you feel like a kid throwing a football around in mud. Next week is Halloween in Astoria, we'll be camping the entire weekend. If it's anything like this, it will be a memorable weekend.

F***ING LOST!!!

2009-10-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

But now is found, the first Motordome kit. The sleeveless denim with the Motordome pinned patch was returned to us by a kind soul and kindred spirit. It was located in the lost and found. Sad thing is, I'm not sure if any of us knew it was lost. Anybody know who has it now? Or is it stowed somewhere in the 'Dome. Somewhere with Toddy D's number.

Motordome in the News?

2009-10-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

Yep, that Griz at about 2:49.
Looking too sexy for his arm warmers, no less!

Bumps, Dirt, Mud, and Blue Sky

2009-10-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

This is what we got instead of sleeping in like regular people do. Oh, and also there was some serious pain.

My hands ache as I type this, a little over 27 hours after my 45 minute pummeling in the singlespeed race. The course wasn't as muddy as I thought it would be, but there was actually a little bit of it for the first time at a Cross Crusade race this season. And we can thank that for the extra lap of bone shaking terrain. There were no donuts, no cupcakes. There was horse dook, plenty of it. It can be considered a warm up for the fecal fest that Clark County Fairgrounds will be if it rains enough this week. Last year we all got the pleasure of riding through the rodeo ring that was a soupy concoction of bull shit and piss, and plenty of frightened rodeo clown pee. It was filthy, and I found myself thinking about whether or not I had any cuts or scrapes on my feet as I waded through that sewage portion of the course. Wow, Hillboro, I can't wait to be further dazzled by your beauty.

Anyhow, I'm off task. I'm here to wrap up our outing to the 3rd installment of the Cross Crusade Series. We had some of the usual suspects in tow this week. Tad, Joel, Danger, Griz, Charlie and myself. It was the perfect amount. Any more and we would have been grumpy because we really like to stretch out. Rachel showed up with Ira. Bobby and his mom arrived a bit later as did Megan, followed by Hazel and Jo. It was a pretty kickass day.

The course was rough and generally not what I was looking for. It was apparently attacked by a giant melon baller the night before. It was very rough and punishing. I wanted everything to be easy. I was feeling a little under the weather earlier in the week and didn't ride at all after work, so I was hoping for a course that would cater to this situation. But I suppoooooose I was just gonna have to sweat it out the old fashioned way. These things aren't gimmes. Every race finisher went through a lot to make it happen and I'm stoked to say that this week we had all of our team finishing the course.

There was a lot of single track. Passing meant leaving the sometimes smoother single track to pass on the rougher grass. You were gonna get wailed on at some point. It was a matter of waiting for it, or giving in and sucking it up. The slower you went the more bumps your wheels would find. Drilling it meant hitting fewer bumps harder. There was no cheating this course. You were going to get pummeled. The final hill leading back to the start finish was soul crushing. Loose gravel steep front section, followed by another uphill stretch after the midway point, veering quickly to the left on in to the finish area.

Aside from the actual racing portion there was beer, the wave, and heapin' helpin's of heckling. With the Timbers out of the playoffs, we have a formidable heckler in Todd Danger and Griz is no slouch either. Countless people were annoyed up that hill and I was berated to a few places faster on the last climb. A healthy dose of tough love from both the crowd and the course. It's always gonna hurt a little, but it's better in the end.

the wave!

2009-10-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

Motordome is bringing the wave back to cyclecross. Was it here before? I'm not really sure, but there really is nothing better than turning a corner, not sure why this whole race thing was a good idea, and having your friends do the wave. Every lap I was tempted to stop and yell "did you see that?! they're doing the wave for me!"

Thanks to PDXcross for the awesome photos!

Clydesdale Poetry

2009-10-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

My results say four minus one

And it's Motordome not Motordone

But with three down you smile and tell me one to go

What the sh*t, you're crazy, bunch a jerks, hell f***ing no

I can't believe it, I hate cross, this is stupid, really, one more?

But I huff and I puff and I blow the doors off lap four

And now I will kick and now I will scream

until you give that last f***ing lap to me

why?

2009-10-19T18:34:00.001-07:00

Dear OBRA,

Stop hating Corndog so much.

Thanks,

Heyzell

Cross Crusade #3 Photo Update

2009-10-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Two of my favorite pics from yesterday.

2009 NOISE RIDE

2009-10-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

It was wet. It was muddy. It was fun. I skipped out before the downhill portion over near Lewis & Clark College. I figured that if three of the eight carbon spokes on the Spinergy were going to crack after a grand total of maybe five miles since owning them - that I'd better head home. In related news, I dropped the rear Spinergy (the one with stripped freewheel) off with Clint at 7 Corners. He knew the Spinergy wheelset from previous seasons and referred to them as cursed, which is exactly what they are. Cursed! I think I hate this wheelset and the guy that sold them to me more than my neighbors cat that shits in my yard. A special thank you to the guy from Tireless Velo who sold me a $100 wheelset, I mean $100 set of tubs, I mean $122 set of tubular tires as it also cost me the registration fee for the Cross Crusade at Rainier (as I'd not had time to test ride the wheels), I mean $142 dollar set of tubular tires as it cost me the Rainier registration and also gas money to get out there.

Thanks!!! guy from Tireless Velo - you're top of the pops, the bees knees... well, anyway, I am unleashing Toddy Danger, that's right... TODD mother f***ing DANGER, What's up now, JERK! Consider yourself the target of the best heckler around! What is this? A warm-up lap? Hey, you're behind a tandem. Two tandems actually, and they're holding hands! Chump!

Noise Ride 2009, wet, muddy, fun, ok, got that covered.

Motordome Discussion Board

2009-10-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

There's been one set up for nearly a week or two now. ALL team members must join. Seeing as I'm convinced none of you ever check your email, click here and apply for membership.
This post is for team members only, and will be removed as soon as possible.

Brain aneurism!

2009-10-14T01:35:00.000-07:00

Hey Griz,

I built you something just for that. By the way, donut trap...... genius!

mad props

2009-10-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

to griz for making the hands down best team photo EVER. just one thing, who are the babes in shades?xo

10/12/09

2009-10-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Dearest sweet turd burglars,

Thank the lawd, Bobby has survived! He spent the day in flannel pajamas, wrapped in a blanket, basking in the bluish gleam of Super Mario 64 and sippin' on chamomile tea. The snot has not quite left his noggin, but he seems to be on the mend. Unfortunately it also seems that he has passed his sickness off to the infamous Spanish Homework. I give myself 24 more hours till i succumb.

I shall now compose a haiku--

Bobby Birk sneezing
Not at the pollen you fools
He is sick sick sick

xo

Ten Action Photos from Rainier

2009-10-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

So my camera only got ten pictures, but it's a sequence so it's totally badass.

And also there was some racing and breathing heavy amounts of pollen. Shit, it was awesome. Man, there was this school that was pretty good sized. Damnit if you could just see it, it was great. There were swings and people. There were people swinging on swings. And there were bikes going around. Crap! I really wish you could see them. It's kinda blurry. A little dusty. Okay maybe a little more dusty than I just said. Damn, I mean, it's so great. Oh and this guy is falling into some bushes. His face looks kinda upset, or maybe just tired. Maybe he just always looks this way. You might know him. Jeez I'm trying really hard here. I took some pictures in my head. God, they're soooo good.

Cross Crusade #2 Rainier, Oregon

2009-10-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

New term for heartburn, Bio Mechanical. Thank Heyzel for that one. Genius.

Ok, so last week at Alpenrose I bought a set of Spinergy tubulars. Got them in good working order. No. Not really. The freewheel skipped like a son of a gun when climbing. I've had it. I hate cross. Cross can suck it. When does track season start. I decided to pout and eat donuts and drink coffee and sit inside the Motordome. The Motordome being a sanctuary of warmth - the furnace turning out a cozy 72 degrees while the outdoor temperature hovered around a cool 39. Cross can suck it.

Damian then volunteered me for Kiddie Kross. Hey River City, you spelled Kross wrong. Kross can suck it too. Working the kiddie barrier - where you try not get in the way of crazed helicopter parents and try to help the wee ones over the barrier - it takes a discerning eye to figure out which kids DO want and which kids DON'T want help getting up over that monster. It's a frantic fifteen minutes with one heck of kiddie logjam pileup at the barrier. It'd be hard for you too if the barrier that you adults had to deal with came up to about where John Howe's sugar shorts end. Ok, the Kiddie Kross actually was the best part of the day, because when a six year old gives you a heart felt thank you, it's f***ing precious. The most adorable thing ever happened as well, a very, very tired and out of breath five year old looked me in the eye after I helped lift his bike over the barrier and said, in the most tired voice I've ever heard, "Thanks, this... is... hard..." Kid, you don't even know. Kriss Kross can suck it.

Bobby was very sick today. I told him not to race. He went hard. He should have stayed put. I think he is dead.

Cross can suck it. When does track season start? I hear it is Wizarding season, perhaps I should do that instead... James? Can I wizard?

The War Wagon Vs. Parker Lewis

2009-10-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

I named my bike the War Wagon. The name just did not do the bike justice. I've been getting wailed on out there... the Blind Date and the first Cross Crusade. Totally been getting crushed. Could it have been the brakes that Damian sabotaged. Or was it the 42x16 I was running. Or the bent axle. Or a combined trifecta of suck.

Well, I got some base miles in this week. Some most ridiculous Spinergy tubulars. And a rear 19 tooth. And I've renamed my bike... PARKER LEWIS CAN'T LOSE! And I'll be riding with the clydesdales. I've also got one more trick up my sleeve... a new kit. Dimpled cotton. WHAT!? Yes, dimpled cotton for SPEED!

Minutes of Team Motordome Meeting 10/09/10

2009-10-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

I call this meeting to order.
I move that this meeting be concluded.
All in favor say, "I."
"I," Griz.
All opposed.
Silence.
Motion carried, meeting concluded.

Cross Crusade opener at Alpenrose Buries Many, with Cupcakes!

2009-10-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Sweet Pea Bakery, we received what looked like a couple hundred tiny vegan cupcakes to hand out to the masses, and also a rad breakfast before we headed out. We also got some air pots from Coffee Plant for some fresh Stumptown Coffee in the Motordome. We love our sponsors.

Our force for the day consisted of Griz, Corndog, Bobby, Glenn, Charlie, Danger, Kim, as well as Joel, Will, and Tad. We had good support from a dozen or so friends who managed to make it out a little later in the day.

There was a good 15% more racers this year, and Candi reported around 1,440 racers with results, so more probably registered. We had six team members race the Singlespeed Category, and Rachel raced Women's A Category. We thought we might have to heckle ourselves as practically everyone who came with us was racing Singlespeed and Men's B, but with Motordome's seemingly endless finances we were able to pay people with cupcakes to be there for us, to make us feel worthless and thereby try to race harder. It's a proven technique I hear.

We had the Reverse Podium Shovel out, and we were about to use it, but our DFL result was correctly switched to a DNF and the shovel stayed pretty for one more day. All in all our results were right where we promised they would be, maintaining our promise of no expectations. Three who shall remain nameless(unless you check OBRA for results, I had the names corrected) took three of the first five DNF's. We're kinda like the Kona crew, but without all that tough winning. We also are all about a foot shorter than them. Todd raced his way to an impressive 80th on a borrowed bike, with pretty much no training rides, on what probably amounts to a one beer per mile ridden routine over the summer. He was edged by Glenn in at 75th, who rode in just in front of Joel. I had what seemed like 17th, but was adjusted to 18th. I'm hoping for a number call up next week. I felt, like many, that my starting position will greatly change things next time. I'm hoping for a top ten Cross Crusade finish this year, and never getting lapped by Trebon. On that note I suggest a new term: Treboned-1). v., to be lapped by Ryan Trebon in a cyclocross race. 2). v. something else.

Considering Bobby and Charlie were both wrecked out and Bobby's crank was busted, the day went well. Rachel was racing after we got done with our race and we were there to cheer her and others on, and ended up placing 19th. We implemented the wave and helpful shouts of, "Go Timbers!" or "Go Blazers!". It clearly worked as there were lots of smiles showing as racers passed by. We enjoyed grilled salmon, brats, and some special beverages as the sun came out to warm things up a bit.

All in all, we had a blast and are looking forward to next week when we head to Rainier. Maybe this time we can use the shovel.

Site Visit #50

2009-10-05T22:01:00.001-07:00

Things are really picking up around here! 50! Visits!

Of Love and Penmanship

2009-10-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it would be best if we began using our Sunday School penmanship on our entry forms. As wonderful as we all are... or perhaps it's only the wonderful folks at OBRA entering the results, either way, regardless, let's start making it easier on them... Todd Darger, Kalli Phillips (they had it right at the race but WTF), Motordoom (that's actually cool), Reihn (no first name), Bobby Bick. Was Charlie the grey ghost, did he even register? And they caught me, I was DNF, thought I had DFL wrapped up. Bummer.

Not our team, but I really did appreciate the Team Bee registration.

Blind Date Again

2009-10-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Enough people inside the Motordome to cause it to list to the right. Maybe we need new shocks? Maybe we need to distribute the weight a little better.

Rachel and Gideon and Griz were out racing today yesterday and things went pretty well if you don't ask Griz. But who cares about him?

Rachel looked good on a recon mission of the course and was smooth as was Gideon. Sunday should be good. Griz got screwed by my brake job as planned and removed himself to the comfort of our booing/cheering section. I will have it repaired by then buddy, or you can use my bike.

On an important note, one of the Team S&M dudes in the B category was putting on a show. On the first lap I noticed a wreck over the one barrier before the runup, and thought that it was ridiculous to fall on one barrier with fresh legs. On the next lap he rode over it, bonking the rear up and over, falling out of the pedals, and then quickly righting himself to ride up the runup. We were stoked. Then on the next lap, another try at bunny hopping. He clipped the front wheel, face planted, and catapulted his neon green Major Jake about 15 straight up. He popped up right away and grabbed his mangled ride and ran back to attempt it again and wrecked, then ran it. That episode sent the heckler corner into a frenzy. We love this guy. He even faked me out when he saw me run to get a photo on the next trip by running it, followed a lap later by an intentional headlong dive over the barricade.

Racing is fun, but this is why we love cross.

See y'all Sunday! We leave at 8 from Sweet Pea.

Blind Date 9/30--a haiku

2009-10-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight spent training
In South East with PBR
Six pack split two ways

Site visit number 20!

2009-09-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrate our twentieth visit. Most likely all team members, and probably a free internet station at Umpqua Bank or the library. Or it's just me every time I post a new blog. We rule.

Griz's left pedal cruises in to a lucky 7th finish.

2009-09-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

It was a good day for the team. Although only one person raced, the spirit of everyone was there(you see, over the course of the past month I broke into all my teammate's homes while they were sleeping and bottled up a bit of the spirits because I knew not everyone could make it to every race. It's for the best). There was a rag tag crew for the Motordome's maiden cross voyage. It dragged Joel Metz(living legend), Matt and Clair(suck it spell check) Case, William Laubends, Kimberlyn Penrose(who needs to return Claire's(not Clair's) phone calls), Griz, Sir Thaddeus Bamford, and your's truly out to gather snacks en route to some school in some area not known as Portland. Most importantly it took Griz's left Time ATAC pedal.

The pedal was looking good, all new and matte/shiny like. It hadn't been contaminated by cyclocross filth. As soon as I clipped in near the back of the field, I could feel its presence. It had a firm grip. It was smooth and pure. My right foot was a little jealous. It would be frantically trying to keep pace the whole race.

After some number confusion(I'd been issued the wrong classification number), we took off in a soft glow of glory. There was some people up front who got a clear path through the opening off camber chicane. Then there was the left ATAC, the rest of the field effectively holding in its reigns. After some straight aways, things were looking good. Although the front runners had gotten a sizable and relatively unobstructed lead, the pedal was plowing steadily along towards the front.

Things were not all roses though, as the left pedal's superiority took me to the ground. It was a subtle reminder of how powerful new cleat and new spring tension chemistry can be. After the giant staircase run up, on lap one, I tried to mount and pedal through the top section and only got one foot in before losing momentum and needed to dismount to run it instead. But this wouldn't be so easy, and lefty dumped me gently into some bramble.

All in all, with some fast bank turns and a good amount of passing room, things worked out well. The pedal had crept up to a solid 7th place by the time things were said and done. It could have been any number of other factors, but I know the truth. If only I had both pedals. We can only wonder.

For sure though, I think I'll try to run a freewheel more this year. Last year, running fixed bit me in the ass a few times. Rainier was a similar course to Barlow, and I wished I had the set up at Rainier as I had yesterday. I think I also managed to find a way to keep my wheel from its chronic slipping and chain denial issues. Cross Crusade is almost here, and there will be more than double, if not triple, the participants. Getting a top ten will be much more difficult, and I can't wait to see if I can make it happen.

Crush with Us

2009-09-27T22:53:00.000-07:00

Damian wailed today... but I'll let him sing my praises and how my pedal saved us all. Look closely, right there... can you see it, my pedal, right there beneath his left Sidi, saving us, and the world, from nuclear annihilation. It's quite the story.It could not have been a better day for Motordome. It hauled Matt & Claire, Joel, Will, Damian, Kim, myself, and many many snacks to the Battle at Barlow. And it brought home Tad as well. Motordome also made a profit of $3 dollars today. Motorho... Darn it!

Last Days of Summer

2009-09-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

While the Motordome was making its first appearance at a cross race for the season (Battle at Barlow) Bobby, myself, and our newest team member Rachel went for a road ride. With probably the most ripping weather for such a ride, we met in northeast for coffee at 9 and headed out. Ended up deciding on the Sandy River loop-headed out Marine Dr, through Troutdale, then along the river for awhile until we started climbing. ugh. Descending, of course is always amazing; especially on a perfect day, not too hot-screaming downhill shaded by all the trees with a huge smile. Pleasantly reminded me as to why I've been here almost 7 years, and can't really think of anywhere else in this country that feels worthy of living in...we are spoiled rotten, and I love it. I had some slight mechanicals, and had to dismount at the top of a climb-no biggie. Rachel is a effing strong rider, and climbs effortlessly. Bobby has an eagle eye for fruit trees-forever thinking of fuel. We stopped in to Barlow around 12:30, said hellos to a few heads, cruised the parking lot but didn't run into the Motordome...ah, well-and we were on our way with magical dreams of burritos and a beer. This truly was an amazing day for four hours in the saddle on a great road ride, but knowing that this most likely was one of the very last beautiful days we'll see for awhile is a little hard to swallow...eat it up yall!

Biketoberfest!

2009-09-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

While some of us we're out galavanting across the countryside, others were at the HUB Biketoberfest! trying to raise Motordome awareness. The Milholland corner was indeed the place to be. Lots of beer, snacks, and friends. Please check out Greg's website (milhollandcycles.com) for more amazing photos. Photo credits to Ammon.

YARD SALE!

2009-09-24T11:15:00.001-07:00

This Saturday the 26th of September. Damian's front yard. From 9-4.
718 NE 20th (at Irving, just south of I-84). And BBQ afterwards!

Mini Motordome debuts in sputtering effort

2009-09-24T01:19:00.000-07:00

The Checka, now known as Mini Motordome, hauled two tired fools out to Alpenrose for the first race since crushing(empty beer cans) in Durango at the SSWC. For two laps all was right with the world, but the day's heat and work had worn Bobby thin and he tweeted me to inform of his withdrawal, and set his sights on training for next week while vowing to quit smoking(do you see what I just did Bobby?). I was semi killing it and passed some peeps comming off the back, but after dropping a chain seven times, I just wanted to hang out with Bobby.

But all was not lost, as good times were had running to the start with 10 seconds to spare, spending 30 minutes messing with MM's headlights, seeing a lot of friendly faces out there enjoying themselves, and informing Bobby of a vegan burrito truck he somehow didn't know of yet.

Well, the wheel slippage has been solved, I hope. And for the first race ever for my night's trusty sidekick, he figured a lot out and was all smiles afterward. He rode great in Durango, so he'll do well in cross. After some serious road miles and possibly running freewheels, next week is looking up.

SSWC09 Durango, ColoRADo

2009-09-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

September 17th-20th, Durango, CO played host to the Single Speed World Chumpionships. There was good times waiting for three roadworthy souls from Portland. A faithful off duty 1979 Checker cab filled to just over 1/3 maximum occupancy, which included a Bobby, a Rachel, and a me, headed out to find those good times and form an abusive-dependant relationship that would prove to be a whirlwind of a weeklong affair.

We drove 25 hours in, had beer for breakfast, met a camera crew and recreated our arrival into town, then set up camp at Darcy's place(Dr. Doom's equally amazing girlfriend), and things just snowballed. We met friends from Portland, SF(Nice Tim(e) and Ian, who rode from there), Utah, Seattle, and plenty more. We helped set up the art exhibit at Ska Brewery, slept at a leservation where Doom lives, met a lot of great and passionate people, and of course, rode some sweet trails.

There were double rainbows, goats, more double rainbows while drinking beer in a hot tub during a light downpour with only three visible houses for miles in front of a mountainous backdrop, trails, falling, more trails, a karaoke competition with a set of big air jumps off to the side, basketball, cliff dwellings, free beer, llamas, a costume dance party, river time, more beer, helping with some setup while drinking more beer, riding trails, polo, a handbuilt bike show, and lots more.

If you weren't there, you blew it. But maybe you'll wise up for next year's event in New Zealand. I know I'll be there.

Blind Date!

2009-09-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Blind Date! at Alpenrose.

What could be more romantic than spending the evening under the lights at Alpenrose? How about spending the evening at Alpenrose riding through the mud with a few hundred other people? The Blind Date starts Wednesday September 23rd at 5 PM. at the Alpenrose Dairy in Portland, Oregon. This four week series will be contested on lit courses in the dark and is fully sanctioned by the Oregon Bike Racing Association.

This will be a cyclocross course with grass, meadow, dirt, gravel, asphalt, run ups, barriers and quick changes in direction. The course will be properly illuminated for cyclocross racing, but not floodlit like PGE park at night. Feel free to use a bike light and or helmet light if you want supplemental lighting. The toddler cross and kiddie cross at 5 pm will be on easier sections of the course.

Schedule

5:00 pm Kiddie cross (no parents on course) and Toddler Cross. (parents may run along)
5:10 pm Juniors. (30 minute race)
6:00 pm Category C men and women. (45 minute race)
6:50 pm Category B, Men and Women. and Single Speed (45 minute race)
7:45 pm Category A Men and Women. (1 hr. race)

I DON'T THINK IT'LL BE DARK YET!!!

Habitat for Humanity

2009-09-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

I really feel that the Motordome needs one of two bumper stickers, or both. A Habitat for Humanity or Housing is a Human Right. If you have one, let us know. Thanks!

Gold Sprints at Rotture

2009-09-23T00:26:00.000-07:00

Insert commentary by Joel about why this should not be called a Gold Sprint. And here we have James and Damian go head to head in the first round.

Motordome Kits

2009-09-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

We are a just a few short weeks away from having our kits. It's been an ordeal.