Monday, October 26, 2009

Motordome in the News

Compliments of, spotted by our team eagle eye, Hazel.


I live in the Centennials, therefore, it is only appropriate that I place in the Centennials. Hillsboro, 109th for Griz. Ahem, at least I...

Perhaps you should come over and watch the TV mini-series, Centennial with me. I believe that Pasquinel is as disgusted with my performance as I am.

"We shall drink like brudders" ~ Pasquinel, Mud Sharks!!

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

It happened. The day Joel has been waiting for we got to enjoy, but without Joel who was on a mission to nab himself a cute pooch. Good excuse dude. We know you didn't want to get your bike muddy with horse poo-poo and pee-pee. Your new friend would have peed all the mud off, you know?

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

We left with a full load of meat heads ready to slide down into some eagerly awaiting pools of cold wet earth. Some of us met out at Sweet Pea early to fuel up before we hit the road. I arrived after breakfast as I wasn't feeling hot and was debating even leaving the house, but here I sit, telling you about the trip. I got there as breakfast was finishing up and loaded up along with Hazel, Glenn, Charlie, John, Tad, Danger, and the Motordome pilot, Griz. We set off with a fridge full of Hamm's and listed down Stark toward another traffic jam caused the second marathon of the first four Cross Crusades. Don't they have an X-Box Live game for all these runners to hook up to treadmills in the safety of their own homes, without crippling downtown traffic. How about 1 or two streets that don't circumnavigate the ENTIRE downtown. Idiot runners.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

Speaking of idiots, our nearly tragic loss of a $40K coffee mug was saved by a Christmas miracle. Seems Charlie left Megan's mug, which is somehow valued more than my entire net worth, sitting on the rear bumper when we left town. Thankfully, 1974 technology left us with a perfectly square bumper that kept that baby put the entire trip. I can't keep a pair of socks together for more than a week. This mug makes an unlikely trip across town sitting on a bumper. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

After searching for a back of the lot parking spot and setting up camp, it seemed like our racing was ready to start. Normally, arriving at 8:30 allows for plenty of time to dick around before we casually head to the starting line at 1pm. When you show up at 11am instead, you all of a sudden feel rushed. So, as we all geared up to do few warmup rides, Craig shows up from Seattle ready to roll. Right about then I decide to register. I would be racing and trying to keep a good series standing. I figured I'd either feel better afterwards, or much worse.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

About 12:50 we finally make our way over to the staging area and go through call ups, then numbers. Griz gets last number, which equals a six pack. Craig gets both a call up and a six pack, as do a few others up front. After a few minutes the B's head out. I like it when they go first. Catching the B field on the last few laps helps with the cat and mouse passing of the singlespeed field, at least most of the time. As we sit for 3 minutes waiting for our staggered start, I start wondering if this was a bad idea. I feel a little lightheaded, and I'm not sure what kind of legs I have as I have only been on one 40 minute ride outside of work in the past two weeks. Last week I was feeling mildly sick for all of two days before racing and ended up 10th. I had my fingers crossed today that being sick is my new training routine.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

We left in the usual cluster of a field, shoulder to shoulder, headed out over a muddy and bumpy stretch of field. I always wonder when that's gonna go bad, but it doesn't happen today. We get out past a few fast stretches and I feel okay. Like I could pedal harder, but am bent on riding smart and staying up. I'm not trying to prove anything today. If I get a top 30 finish, I'd be happy with that. As muddy turn, bog, straightaway, and barrier go by, lap by lap, it becomes apparent that I feel pretty good. I somehow have not slumped into a sick and dying ball of cold, wet misery. I find Luke Demoe who got 3rd last week and stick on him, pacing myself and letting him dictate speed while I focus on lines and who's behind us.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

All is well on the final lap. I trade places a few times with at least one other singlespeeder before using some lagging B's to shield a clean pass and getaway through the corners. After getting around a couple more riders who went down on the pavement transition, I am trailing Luke on through the last barn, ready for the last right, left right toward the finish. I can sense a top finish, though it seems Luke's not as fast as last week running fixed again. But I know he's a strong rider, so I feel good. As we exit the barn, I lose my racelong cool head of riding carefully, and pedal a little too hard a bit too early and my rear wheel spins out. I hit the deck, taking a couple followers with me. As I get up and remount, at least two more bike fly by, and they are not B's, but singlespeeders. As I slowly remount in the mud, trying to get back into my pedals, and spinning tires, another SS goes by on my left, only this one returns the favor and falls, taking me out. I'm on the ground looking at the finish and I see about five more bikes leaving the barn out of the corner of my eye and then look back to my left. The bike that took me down is a singlespeed. I feel like everything is simultaneously moving in hyper-speed and slow motion. I clammer to my feet dragging my bike out from underneath the fallen rider and start running. It's like a bad dream, the one where you can't yell for help, or uh, like you're running though mud. As the soft buzz of bikes comes around the last corner I finally get traction and lunge toward the finish line, pushing my bike forward across the line as both mounted riders and the singlespeeder who was momentarily in the dirt next to me come up on my left.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

It was nuts to finish like that. So close to a single digit finish, only to slip and fall twice in the closing stretch. It was a great way to end the race. This was the hardest race to get to for me, and I pushed my better senses aside to possibly wreak havoc on my system, but in the end I was holding a 40 and smiling, covered in mud.

2009 Cross Crusade #4, Washington County Fairgrounds

I know that I'm speaking for everyone when I say I had a great time out there. The nastier it gets, the more you feel like a kid throwing a football around in mud. Next week is Halloween in Astoria, we'll be camping the entire weekend. If it's anything like this, it will be a memorable weekend.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


But now is found, the first Motordome kit. The sleeveless denim with the Motordome pinned patch was returned to us by a kind soul and kindred spirit. It was located in the lost and found. Sad thing is, I'm not sure if any of us knew it was lost. Anybody know who has it now? Or is it stowed somewhere in the 'Dome. Somewhere with Toddy D's number.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Motordome in the News?

Yep, that Griz at about 2:49.
Looking too sexy for his arm warmers, no less!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Bumps, Dirt, Mud, and Blue Sky

Lame Barriers

This is what we got instead of sleeping in like regular people do. Oh, and also there was some serious pain.

Dumb Hill Lame Barriers

My hands ache as I type this, a little over 27 hours after my 45 minute pummeling in the singlespeed race. The course wasn't as muddy as I thought it would be, but there was actually a little bit of it for the first time at a Cross Crusade race this season. And we can thank that for the extra lap of bone shaking terrain. There were no donuts, no cupcakes. There was horse dook, plenty of it. It can be considered a warm up for the fecal fest that Clark County Fairgrounds will be if it rains enough this week. Last year we all got the pleasure of riding through the rodeo ring that was a soupy concoction of bull shit and piss, and plenty of frightened rodeo clown pee. It was filthy, and I found myself thinking about whether or not I had any cuts or scrapes on my feet as I waded through that sewage portion of the course. Wow, Hillboro, I can't wait to be further dazzled by your beauty.

Anyhow, I'm off task. I'm here to wrap up our outing to the 3rd installment of the Cross Crusade Series. We had some of the usual suspects in tow this week. Tad, Joel, Danger, Griz, Charlie and myself. It was the perfect amount. Any more and we would have been grumpy because we really like to stretch out. Rachel showed up with Ira. Bobby and his mom arrived a bit later as did Megan, followed by Hazel and Jo. It was a pretty kickass day.

Rad Craig Barrier/creek thing combo, putrid!

The course was rough and generally not what I was looking for. It was apparently attacked by a giant melon baller the night before. It was very rough and punishing. I wanted everything to be easy. I was feeling a little under the weather earlier in the week and didn't ride at all after work, so I was hoping for a course that would cater to this situation. But I suppoooooose I was just gonna have to sweat it out the old fashioned way. These things aren't gimmes. Every race finisher went through a lot to make it happen and I'm stoked to say that this week we had all of our team finishing the course.

Dumb hill

There was a lot of single track. Passing meant leaving the sometimes smoother single track to pass on the rougher grass. You were gonna get wailed on at some point. It was a matter of waiting for it, or giving in and sucking it up. The slower you went the more bumps your wheels would find. Drilling it meant hitting fewer bumps harder. There was no cheating this course. You were going to get pummeled. The final hill leading back to the start finish was soul crushing. Loose gravel steep front section, followed by another uphill stretch after the midway point, veering quickly to the left on in to the finish area.

Barrier/creek thing combo, putrid! Crappy Creek thing

Aside from the actual racing portion there was beer, the wave, and heapin' helpin's of heckling. With the Timbers out of the playoffs, we have a formidable heckler in Todd Danger and Griz is no slouch either. Countless people were annoyed up that hill and I was berated to a few places faster on the last climb. A healthy dose of tough love from both the crowd and the course. It's always gonna hurt a little, but it's better in the end.

the wave!

Motordome is bringing the wave back to cyclecross. Was it here before? I'm not really sure, but there really is nothing better than turning a corner, not sure why this whole race thing was a good idea, and having your friends do the wave. Every lap I was tempted to stop and yell "did you see that?! they're doing the wave for me!"
Thanks to PDXcross for the awesome photos!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Clydesdale Poetry

My results say four minus one
And it's Motordome not Motordone
But with three down you smile and tell me one to go
What the sh*t, you're crazy, bunch a jerks, hell f***ing no
I can't believe it, I hate cross, this is stupid, really, one more?
But I huff and I puff and I blow the doors off lap four
And now I will kick and now I will scream 
until you give that last f***ing lap to me


Dear OBRA,
Stop hating Corndog so much.

Cross Crusade #3 Photo Update

Two of my favorite pics from yesterday.


It was wet. It was muddy. It was fun. I skipped out before the downhill portion over near Lewis & Clark College. I figured that if three of the eight carbon spokes on the Spinergy were going to crack after a grand total of maybe five miles since owning them - that I'd better head home. In related news, I dropped the rear Spinergy (the one with stripped freewheel) off with Clint at 7 Corners. He knew the Spinergy wheelset from previous seasons and referred to them as cursed, which is exactly what they are. Cursed! I think I hate this wheelset and the guy that sold them to me more than my neighbors cat that shits in my yard. A special thank you to the guy from Tireless Velo who sold me a $100 wheelset, I mean $100 set of tubs, I mean $122 set of tubular tires as it also cost me the registration fee for the Cross Crusade at Rainier (as I'd not had time to test ride the wheels), I mean $142 dollar set of tubular tires as it cost me the Rainier registration and also gas money to get out there. 

Thanks!!! guy from Tireless Velo - you're top of the pops, the bees knees... well, anyway, I am unleashing Toddy Danger, that's right... TODD mother f***ing DANGER, What's up now, JERK! Consider yourself the target of the best heckler around! What is this? A warm-up lap? Hey, you're behind a tandem. Two tandems actually, and they're holding hands! Chump!

Noise Ride 2009, wet, muddy, fun, ok, got that covered.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Motordome Discussion Board

There's been one set up for nearly a week or two now. ALL team members must join. Seeing as I'm convinced none of you ever check your email, click here and apply for membership.
This post is for team members only, and will be removed as soon as possible.

Brain aneurism!

Hey Griz,
I built you something just for that. By the way, donut trap...... genius!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

mad props

to griz for making the hands down best team photo EVER. just one thing, who are the babes in shades?xo

Monday, October 12, 2009


Dearest sweet turd burglars,

Thank the lawd, Bobby has survived! He spent the day in flannel pajamas, wrapped in a blanket, basking in the bluish gleam of Super Mario 64 and sippin' on chamomile tea. The snot has not quite left his noggin, but he seems to be on the mend. Unfortunately it also seems that he has passed his sickness off to the infamous Spanish Homework. I give myself 24 more hours till i succumb.

I shall now compose a haiku--

Bobby Birk sneezing
Not at the pollen you fools
He is sick sick sick


Ten Action Photos from Rainier

So my camera only got ten pictures, but it's a sequence so it's totally badass.

Team Motordome

And also there was some racing and breathing heavy amounts of pollen. Shit, it was awesome. Man, there was this school that was pretty good sized. Damnit if you could just see it, it was great. There were swings and people. There were people swinging on swings. And there were bikes going around. Crap! I really wish you could see them. It's kinda blurry. A little dusty. Okay maybe a little more dusty than I just said. Damn, I mean, it's so great. Oh and this guy is falling into some bushes. His face looks kinda upset, or maybe just tired. Maybe he just always looks this way. You might know him. Jeez I'm trying really hard here. I took some pictures in my head. God, they're soooo good.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Cross Crusade #2 Rainier, Oregon

New term for heartburn, Bio Mechanical. Thank Heyzel for that one. Genius.

Ok, so last week at Alpenrose I bought a set of Spinergy tubulars. Got them in good working order. No. Not really. The freewheel skipped like a son of a gun when climbing. I've had it. I hate cross. Cross can suck it. When does track season start. I decided to pout and eat donuts and drink coffee and sit inside the Motordome. The Motordome being a sanctuary of warmth - the furnace turning out a cozy 72 degrees while the outdoor temperature hovered around a cool 39. Cross can suck it.

Damian then volunteered me for Kiddie Kross. Hey River City, you spelled Kross wrong. Kross can suck it too. Working the kiddie barrier - where you try not get in the way of crazed helicopter parents and try to help the wee ones over the barrier - it takes a discerning eye to figure out which kids DO want and which kids DON'T want help getting up over that monster. It's a frantic fifteen minutes with one heck of kiddie logjam pileup at the barrier. It'd be hard for you too if the barrier that you adults had to deal with came up to about where John Howe's sugar shorts end. Ok, the Kiddie Kross actually was the best part of the day, because when a six year old gives you a heart felt thank you, it's f***ing precious. The most adorable thing ever happened as well, a very, very tired and out of breath five year old looked me in the eye after I helped lift his bike over the barrier and said, in the most tired voice I've ever heard, "Thanks, this... is... hard..." Kid, you don't even know. Kriss Kross can suck it.

Bobby was very sick today. I told him not to race. He went hard. He should have stayed put. I think he is dead.

Cross can suck it. When does track season start? I hear it is Wizarding season, perhaps I should do that instead... James? Can I wizard?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The War Wagon Vs. Parker Lewis

I named my bike the War Wagon. The name just did not do the bike justice. I've been getting wailed on out there... the Blind Date and the first Cross Crusade. Totally been getting crushed.  Could it have been the brakes that Damian sabotaged. Or was it the 42x16 I was running. Or the bent axle. Or a combined trifecta of suck.
Well, I got some base miles in this week. Some most ridiculous Spinergy tubulars. And a rear 19 tooth. And I've renamed my bike... PARKER LEWIS CAN'T LOSE! And I'll be riding with the clydesdales. I've also got one more trick up my sleeve... a new kit. Dimpled cotton. WHAT!? Yes, dimpled cotton for SPEED!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Minutes of Team Motordome Meeting 10/09/10

I call this meeting to order.
I move that this meeting be concluded.
All in favor say, "I."
"I," Griz.
All opposed.
Motion carried, meeting concluded.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Cross Crusade opener at Alpenrose Buries Many, with Cupcakes!

Thanks to Sweet Pea Bakery, we received what looked like a couple hundred tiny vegan cupcakes to hand out to the masses, and also a rad breakfast before we headed out. We also got some air pots from Coffee Plant for some fresh Stumptown Coffee in the Motordome. We love our sponsors.


Our force for the day consisted of Griz, Corndog, Bobby, Glenn, Charlie, Danger, Kim, as well as Joel, Will, and Tad. We had good support from a dozen or so friends who managed to make it out a little later in the day.

Motordome Joel and Glenn

There was a good 15% more racers this year, and Candi reported around 1,440 racers with results, so more probably registered. We had six team members race the Singlespeed Category, and Rachel raced Women's A Category. We thought we might have to heckle ourselves as practically everyone who came with us was racing Singlespeed and Men's B, but with Motordome's seemingly endless finances we were able to pay people with cupcakes to be there for us, to make us feel worthless and thereby try to race harder. It's a proven technique I hear.

Bobby gets the first kit Rachel

We had the Reverse Podium Shovel out, and we were about to use it, but our DFL result was correctly switched to a DNF and the shovel stayed pretty for one more day. All in all our results were right where we promised they would be, maintaining our promise of no expectations. Three who shall remain nameless(unless you check OBRA for results, I had the names corrected) took three of the first five DNF's. We're kinda like the Kona crew, but without all that tough winning. We also are all about a foot shorter than them. Todd raced his way to an impressive 80th on a borrowed bike, with pretty much no training rides, on what probably amounts to a one beer per mile ridden routine over the summer. He was edged by Glenn in at 75th, who rode in just in front of Joel. I had what seemed like 17th, but was adjusted to 18th. I'm hoping for a number call up next week. I felt, like many, that my starting position will greatly change things next time. I'm hoping for a top ten Cross Crusade finish this year, and never getting lapped by Trebon. On that note I suggest a new term: Treboned-1). v., to be lapped by Ryan Trebon in a cyclocross race. 2). v. something else.

Damian Sweet Pea is rad

Considering Bobby and Charlie were both wrecked out and Bobby's crank was busted, the day went well. Rachel was racing after we got done with our race and we were there to cheer her and others on, and ended up placing 19th. We implemented the wave and helpful shouts of, "Go Timbers!" or "Go Blazers!". It clearly worked as there were lots of smiles showing as racers passed by. We enjoyed grilled salmon, brats, and some special beverages as the sun came out to warm things up a bit.

All in all, we had a blast and are looking forward to next week when we head to Rainier. Maybe this time we can use the shovel.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Site Visit #50

Things are really picking up around here! 50! Visits!

Of Love and Penmanship

Perhaps it would be best if we began using our Sunday School penmanship on our entry forms. As wonderful as we all are... or perhaps it's only the wonderful folks at OBRA entering the results, either way, regardless, let's start making it easier on them... Todd Darger, Kalli Phillips (they had it right at the race but WTF), Motordoom (that's actually cool), Reihn (no first name), Bobby Bick. Was Charlie the grey ghost, did he even register? And they caught me, I was DNF, thought I had DFL wrapped up. Bummer.

Not our team, but I really did appreciate the Team Bee registration.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Blind Date Again

Enough people inside the Motordome to cause it to list to the right. Maybe we need new shocks? Maybe we need to distribute the weight a little better.

Alpenrose Blind Date, 9/30/09

Rachel and Gideon and Griz were out racing today yesterday and things went pretty well if you don't ask Griz. But who cares about him?

Alpenrose Blind Date, 9/30/09

Rachel looked good on a recon mission of the course and was smooth as was Gideon. Sunday should be good. Griz got screwed by my brake job as planned and removed himself to the comfort of our booing/cheering section. I will have it repaired by then buddy, or you can use my bike.

Alpenrose Blind Date, 9/30/09

On an important note, one of the Team S&M dudes in the B category was putting on a show. On the first lap I noticed a wreck over the one barrier before the runup, and thought that it was ridiculous to fall on one barrier with fresh legs. On the next lap he rode over it, bonking the rear up and over, falling out of the pedals, and then quickly righting himself to ride up the runup. We were stoked. Then on the next lap, another try at bunny hopping. He clipped the front wheel, face planted, and catapulted his neon green Major Jake about 15 straight up. He popped up right away and grabbed his mangled ride and ran back to attempt it again and wrecked, then ran it. That episode sent the heckler corner into a frenzy. We love this guy. He even faked me out when he saw me run to get a photo on the next trip by running it, followed a lap later by an intentional headlong dive over the barricade.

Racing is fun, but this is why we love cross.

See y'all Sunday! We leave at 8 from Sweet Pea.

Blind Date 9/30--a haiku

Tonight spent training
In South East with PBR
Six pack split two ways